2019 : After the Fall of New York (1983)

Dir: Sergio Martino

I should start by warning you outright that this is NOT A GOOD FILM. Perhaps you have to, at one point, have been a teenage boy to fully appreciate this low-budget Italian hybrid of "Planet of the Apes", "Mad Max 2" and "Escape From New York". The world has been nuked by evil governments and our improbably named hero, Parcifal (trash star Michael Sopkiw trying so hard to be Kurt Russell), is a race-car driver journeying into the jagged remains of New York City to rescue the last fertile woman on Earth and repopulate the planet. This ludicrous screenplay is almost too stupid to bear but, on the other hand, you can't fault its boundless imagination. Throughout the quest, Parcifal encounters a foxy and hopelessly stupid blonde in a short-skirt, a cave full of midgets, a tribe of sewer-dwelling rat eaters, a slew of radiation victims who vomit green goo, a race of talking monkeys who dress like gay buccaneers, a crazy mutant that knows kung-fu, a band of mediaeval style conquistadores on white horses, some PVC-clad cyber-nazis (who actually use the line "ve have vays of making you talk"!), a gratuitous dragstrip race (with onboard missiles!) and some killer cyborgs. If that's not enough, the cartoony post-apocalyptic nihilism of the dialogue peps things up ("if love had any meaning in this world, you'd be the one I love" is the most romantic line in the movie). I feel guilty for enjoying such a mindless ride so much, but it tries so hard to please, you can't help but fall for it. The most astounding achievement is after only a scant 90 minutes, you feel you've reached the end of an epic journey - and I mean that in the nicest way. ***