Demons (1985)

Dir: Lamberto Bava

"Demons" may not make perfect sense, I'll warn you. A group of people get trapped in a cinema that's playing a B-Movie about the apocalyptic prophecies of Nostradamus. There's a mask in both the movie and the foyer of the cinema that turns its wearers into demons and, before you know it, bug-eyed monsters dribbling green goo are running rampant and ripping the cinemagoers limb from limb. The place itself is kind of Escher-esque in its baffling, ever-changing layout. Time and space bends way beyond reality and the climactic scenes are absolutely bonkers but I just don't care. I can't think of any other film that celebrates excess in such an exhilarating manner. The pace never lets up - it's a non-stop parade of phenomenal gore effects, bucketloads of fluids I can't even begin to identify, weird-ass creatures, eye-popping red and blue lighting, blistering heavy metal and absurdly OTT action heroics. No matter how many times I watch it, I still find myself cheering, whooping and laughing along. My pulse quickens, I lose my breath, I get all weak at the knees from the excitement. Admittedly part of this could be the rare appearance of a grown-up and suddenly breathtaking Nicoletta Elmi but mostly it's just that "Demons" is the ultimate, no-nonsense distillation of everything that makes horror movies so thrilling and fun. Who knows? Maybe it's too daft for modern audiences. Maybe you had to be there but this is what I grew up on and, for me, it hasn't aged a day. Perfecto! ****

The Nesting (1981)

Dir: Armand Weston

An agoraphobic author moves into a haunted (former) whorehouse in this early 80s potboiler. All the staple haunted house elements are present (breaking glasses, strange noises, disappearing furnishings, etc) and although the conceit of agoraphobia provides a nifty answer to the perennial "Why don't you just leave?" question in these movies, there are few other surprises. The twist is signposted from very early on and while it's not a terrible one, it all feels a little bit TV Movie Of The Week. What's bizarre is that this is the only "straight" feature by the mysterious and enigmatic (and now dead) hardcore porn director Armand Weston. Perhaps he was intentionally playing it very safe in order to launch a mainstream career (if so, it didn't work) but, sadly, I think a large dose of nudity (of which there's almost none) and gore (of which there's little beyond one pretty mean sickle-in-the-face moment) is exactly what's needed. Especially for a haunted whorehouse movie! It's all very sweet and sincerely made but, sadly, there's not a lot here that's memorable. As a bonus, there are some quotably bad one-liners though ("You're too crazy to be crazy!" and "You wanted to type on my typewriter!" being two examples). **