Big Meat Eater (1982)

Dir: Chris Windsor

A no-budget musical horror in which a small town butcher hires a large, fez-wearing weirdo (the titular character) as his assistant. From here, everything goes to pot. Dogs end up in the sausages, townsfolk get fed to one another, the mayor ends up as a zombie, a troupe of Turkish dancing girls are taught how to "boogie to the front, boogie to the back", alien robots hide a rare fuel (balonium!) underneath the shop, then both the butcher and a local boy genius are temporarily mutated into paper-maché green-skinned monsters! This is all punctuated with clumsy, tune-barren song and dance numbers, execrable dialogue and zero production values. It sounds almost fun but it's painfully slow (endless padding shots) and so ludicrous as to actually achieve almost 100% incoherence. There's certainly little attempt at a linear storyline and the jokes, while pleasingly absurd at first, soon get excruciating. The rhyming couplet, "I'm a big meat eater, yes I am / I'm a big meat eater, pass the ham" is about the best thing about this movie. It makes Plan 9 look like Plan 1. EL BOMBA!