Amityville 3D (1983)

Dir: Richard Fleischer

Truly laughable Amityville sequel with yet another new family moving into the famous haunted house. There's apparently a well in the basement (where did this come from?) and I'm sure you don't need the likes of me to tell you that it's the gateway to Hell. This simple premise is dragged out for what seems like forever with a whole slew of ludicrous subplots and false scares, before we finally get to see what appears to be a giant rubber toad springing up from down below. For all of five seconds. The film was shot in 3D which renders a lot of shots pointless and curiously surreal when watched on the TV (if you weren't aware, you may wonder why the camera lingers endlessly on spinning lamps and moving plates). But even if you're generous enough to overlook the weird angles and gratuitous flying objects, this one's still a hootin' hunk'o'junk. May be notable for a very early Meg Ryan appearance, although if you think this is notable, you're probably on the wrong website! If it wasn't for the lovely Lori Loughlin in a wet white dress, I'd struggle to think of anything worth seeing in this film. *