Bloody Birthday (1981)

Dir: Ed Hunt

OK. I have my limits. Some things are just too weird and unsettling even for me. "Bloody Birthday" manages this without even being good! On one hand, it's an utterly generic example of early 80s small-town stalk'n'slash fare. The twist is that the ones doing the stalking and slashing are a trio of ten year old kids. To be honest, you don't need to have any creative skill to makes these kids creepy. Christ, the LEAST creepy of the three looks like a minature Ron Perlman with a Hitler Youth hairdo! Shudder. So by the time they're strangling folk with skipping ropes, bludgeoning them with baseball bats, shooting toy arrows at point blank range into their eyeballs and pouring ant-killer into the icing sugar, you'll be reaching for a bucket of soap and water to wash your brain out with. Sadly, the movie itself is dull, flat and tediously played out, so the only real reason I could think of for recommending this would be as something to show to anyone you know who's feeling broody. It will probably make them think twice about having children or indeed ever going near anyone else's again! *