Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye (1973)

Dir: Antonio Margheriti

Jane Birkin was never really the world's greatest actress, but she looked so staggeringly stunning in 1973 that you won't even mind as she flits, flounces and flounders her way through this goofy, gothic giallo, even though it's little beyond a vanity vehicle for the vintage vixen. Plotwise, Jane plays the absurdly named Corringa, a convent girl who's expelled and returns to her family home; a sprawling castle in the Scottish countryside. There's a curse on the place that involves cats and vampires as well as a secret passage in the wall, a horny gorilla in the attic, a rat-eaten corpse in the cellar and (as the title suggests) a promised number of throat-slashy murders (von, two, I love to count!). We also get nudity-free sex, unconvincingly lumpen red paint in lieu of decent special FX and a wonky synthesiser soundtrack. Too patently ludicrous even for the genre, "Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye" is a messy affair that's probably only enjoyed as a slice of high-camp nonsense that looks pretty and requires no thought at all. The bonus of an atrociously dubbed Serge Gainsbourg, slumming it here as a Scottish policeman with a squeaky Glasgae accent, is appreciated though. The things we do for love, eh, Serge? *1/2