The Guardian (1990)

Dir: William Friedkin

William Friedkin's long-awaited return to the horror genre has been justifiably forgotten over time and is almost never mentioned in the same breath as "The Exorcist". This may be because it's complete nonsense about a bonkers druidess nanny (Jenny Seagrove) who feeds babies to a big tree somewhere out in the Hollywood hills. It never properly gets explained and since this heady concept is revealed within the first five minutes, there are no surprises nor any tension as the movie progresses. The dialogue and characterisation are both below par and there are one or two monumentally stupid moments resulting from the slipshod direction (including an hilarious shot, where it looks like a guy twhacks a woman over the head with a two week old baby (he actually just slaps her but the continuity and the camera angle are both way off)). Still, that's not to say the film is without merit. You just have to be feeling tolerant. Jenny Seagrove spends most of her screen time naked, which is no bad thing, there are gallons of entertaining gore (not to mention an inventive use of a chainsaw), there are even one or two creepy moments; and, call me a sucker, but I can't totally hate a movie in which a hot naked girl painted green flies through a living room and gets spontaneously dismembered by invisible forces. You just have to suspend disbelief completely and sit through some of the most painful stupidity ever committed to celluloid to get to this good stuff. **