Blade: Trinity (2004)

Dir: David S. Goyer

Gratuitous third installment in this series of mindless vamp-romps sees Blade (Wesley Snipes) teaming up with a hip and happening team of young slayers called The Nightstalkers to take on Dracula himself. Sadly, Dracula looks and dresses like a reject from a German hip hop band and isn't a convincingly dangerous enemy for a second of his screen time (although he does throw a baby across a rooftop at one point - ouch). This film is simultaneously the best and worst of the series. The plot is lazy, derivative and full of holes; the acting is atrocious; the dialogue is almost entirely made up of sub-Joss-Whedon wisecracking, and the whole script is littered with misguided pop culture references (ie: "She loves to listen to mp3s when she hunts. Dark core and trip hop, you know"). However, it's the best because it has A VAMPIRE POMERANIAN ATTACKING A SHIRTLESS RYAN REYNOLDS. Genius! Reynolds shines throughout this and his (possibly improvised) dialogue is frequently hilarious, loaded with creative language like "cockjuggling thundercunt". Still, even his screen time can't save this most cynical and ridiculous effort. The (nonsensical) ending paves the way for a fourth "Blade" movie. God help us all. EL BOMBA!