Demons (1985)

Dir: Lamberto Bava

"Demons" may not make perfect sense, I'll warn you. A group of people get trapped in a cinema that's playing a B-Movie about the apocalyptic prophecies of Nostradamus. There's a mask in both the movie and the foyer of the cinema that turns its wearers into demons and, before you know it, bug-eyed monsters dribbling green goo are running rampant and ripping the cinemagoers limb from limb. The place itself is kind of Escher-esque in its baffling, ever-changing layout. Time and space bends way beyond reality and the climactic scenes are absolutely bonkers but I just don't care. I can't think of any other film that celebrates excess in such an exhilarating manner. The pace never lets up - it's a non-stop parade of phenomenal gore effects, bucketloads of fluids I can't even begin to identify, weird-ass creatures, eye-popping red and blue lighting, blistering heavy metal and absurdly OTT action heroics. No matter how many times I watch it, I still find myself cheering, whooping and laughing along. My pulse quickens, I lose my breath, I get all weak at the knees from the excitement. Admittedly part of this could be the rare appearance of a grown-up and suddenly breathtaking Nicoletta Elmi but mostly it's just that "Demons" is the ultimate, no-nonsense distillation of everything that makes horror movies so thrilling and fun. Who knows? Maybe it's too daft for modern audiences. Maybe you had to be there but this is what I grew up on and, for me, it hasn't aged a day. Perfecto! ****

Near Dark (1986)

Dir: Katheryn Bigelow

I watched this by accident on TV when I was about 14, absolutely loved it and somehow never saw it again despite it being a "major" big budget movie that's been readily available on all formats throughout my lifetime. I think part of me was afraid that, as an adult, I'd watch it and the magic of that one intense, late-night viewing would somehow be ruined. But no. "Near Dark" is still as fantastic as it ever was. Part modern-day western, part outlaw road movie, part vampire romance; Adrian Pasdar plays a straw-chewin' horse-ridin' goober who takes home a beautiful girl and gets more than he bargained for. After being bitten and turned into a creature of the night, he's forced to hit the trails with her fucked-up vampire "family" (led by a never-more-menacing Lance Henriksen), where he must either adjust to their lifestyle of nightly mass murder or die. There are one or two minor elements of "Near Dark" that are a little corny I suppose - and the flashy (though admittedly breathtaking) action sequences as every bit as OTT as you'd expect from the director of "Point Break" - but there's just something about it that gets under the skin and stays there. The script is a pitch-perfect combination of contemporary edginess and classic Hollywood. You can feel the dusty heat of the southern settings and almost taste the darkness at times. The characterisation is wonderful (there could've been an extra hour of just talking and it still wouldn't feel too long) and the infamous barroom massacre scene is still one of the most shocking ten minutes of horror cinema I can think of. A genuinely great horror film. ****

Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have The Key (1972)

Dir: Sergio Martino

This damn-near perfect giallo is largely a three-hander, telling the story of an alcoholic, washed-up writer (Luigi Pistilli), his long-suffering wife (Anita Strindberg) and his sexpot niece (Edwige Fenech) who shows up to stay with them at their gothic villa. There's sex, violence, heavy sadomasochistic themes, (obviously) a black-gloved killer on the loose, a cat named Satan who may or may not be key to the mystery, and enough crossing, double-crossing and triple-crossing to satisfy the even most jaded (yellowed?) giallo buff. The simmering gothic atmosphere is soundtracked by a sumptuous Bruno Nicolai score, the photography is vibrantly imaginative and everything feels a cut above its peers; more artful, intelligent and thematically coherent. The acting is fantastic too, for a change. Fenech is on top form with a complicated character but even she is outshone by Strindberg, whose wide-eyed hysterical Irene is one of the best women-on-the-edge performances of the genre. A masterpiece. ****

Deep Red (1975)

Dir: Dario Argento

The giallo's giallo, Deep Red is about as good as the genre gets. Although its plot follows a pretty familiar pattern (a foreigner (David Hemmings) in Rome witnesses a brutal murder and must prove his own innocence before the cops lock him up for it), the script is way slicker than most. There's a great rapport between Hemmings and Daria Nicolodi (a reporter who offers help in solving the crimes) and even some humour in there, which is rare for Argento. The set design and photography are both unbelievable and Argento's direction keeps things tight, brutal and beautiful. Goblin's ferocious musical score still sounds incredible today and the killer's reveal at the end is simply the most audacious and ingenious twist I've ever seen in a detective film. Brilliant stuff. ****

Lemora : A Child's Tale of the Supernatural (1973)

Dir: Richard Blackburn

I am so pleased this has finally been given a (fantastic) DVD release, courtesy of Synapse Films. It's one of my all-time favourites, for sure. Panned upon its initial release and "lost" for years, this micro-budget creepfest is a must-see for anyone who likes atmospheric, surreal horror and is worth the cash just for the late Cheryl Smith, who gives her finest performance as Lila Lee, The Singin' Angel. If David Lynch wasn't influenced by the weirdness of this pale-faced behind-the-curtain nightmare world that Lila plunges into, I'd be astonished. Lesley Gilb, as the titular Lemora, also gives a tour-de-force performance (and doesn't appear to blink once!). The feel of the film is very much like another one-off classic, "Carnival of Souls" (director Blackburn, like "Carnival"'s Herk Harvey, never made another film) and, if you like that one, please seek this out. I honestly can't extol its virtue enough. It's a truly beautiful, lyrical horror film that's really hard to put out of your mind once you've seen it. ****

Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Dir: Yoshihiro Nishimura

Unbelievable Japanese cyberpunk fantasy set in a future where the cops have been privatised by the shoot-first-ask-questions-later Tokyo Police Corporation and mutants run wild. Having been disappointed by J-Horror in the past couple of years, I'd dismissed "Tokyo Gore Police" because it looked zany and ironic and like novelty junk but I couldn't've been more wrong. There is certainly a little comedy in there and the gore is way over the top (definitely more, pint-for-pint, than anything I've seen in over twenty years of watching these kind of films) but the film's angry politics and obsessive Cronenbergian body horror lend it a depth that makes it fly. As jaded as I am, I spent most of this open-mouthed thinking "I have never seen ANYTHING like this before" and for that I sing its highest praises. When amputees with samurai swords for arms and legs and oversized prosthetic penises that shoot bullets are two of the less sensational set-pieces, you know you're in for a treat. A modern masterpiece of surrealist genius that makes "Tetsuo: The Iron Man" look like "Tetsuo: The Nerf Kid". ****

The Signal (2007)

Dir: David Bruckner / Dan Bush / Jacob Gentry

A signal is sent across cell phones, radios and TVs that makes people go crazy and kill. Or does it? The problem is in knowing who's crazy and who isn't. Do you kill the person next to you because they're crazy and, if so, does that make YOU crazy? This is the eternal dilemma faced by all the characters in this wickedly original paranoid headfuck movie. Evoking early Cronenberg, early Romero and David Lynch at his finest, "The Signal" is an anarchic, stylish and deeply disturbing shock to the system. I don't want to say too much more, for fear of giving away too many of the (continual) surprises in the screenplay, but just go see this. Its raw brutality is made into a thing of beauty by the intelligence with which it's handled. It's amped-up Theatre Of The Absurd; I was laughing throughout a good half of it, yet still came away feeling frightened and shaken. When people talk about evoking the spirit of 70s horror, it's usually just an excuse to make something seedy. "The Signal" actually takes the true spirit of 70s horror and makes a progressive and smart movie that's also extreme and unpleasant. It's even got a Matt Skiba song in it. Repeatedly. Awesome, awesome, awesome. One of the best horror films of the decade. ****

Black Kiss (2004)

Dir: Macoto Tezka

Having become so jaded with Asian horror of late (thanks to a flood of soggy dead girls) it's a good feeling to see a new(ish) movie that reminds me why I got into it in the first place. "Black Kiss" is a beautifully shot nerve-shredder about Asuka (Reika Hashimoto) and Kasumi (Kaori Kawamura), two models who wind up sharing a seedy Tokyo apartment. In true "Rear Window" stylee, Asuka witnesses a brutal murder in the hotel across the street and this plunges both girls into a nightmare of slaughter, taxidermy, voodoo and more besides. Yeah, "Black Kiss" has it all. It's lengthy and character-driven but surprisingly well-paced, with murders as disturbing, inventive and stomach-churning as anything I've seen. The final third is tense and exciting and there's one scene (where the murderer is finally revealed) that sent me flying out of my seat, shrieking. Don't even get me started on all the incredible camerawork. An intelligent, original, well-made shocker that lives up admirably to the Asia Extreme tag. ****

The Day of the Beast (1995)

Dir: Álex de la Iglesia

A theologian priest discovers, through extensive study, that the Book of Revelations is a cryptogram which, when deciphered, announces the birth of the Antichrist on December 25th, 1995. Convinced that this is to occur in Madrid, the priest enlists the help of a death metal record shop owner and a fraudulent TV spiritualist in order to prevent the Apocalypse by tricking Satan. Far from being as crude or exploitative as this sounds (especially when coming from the director of the raucous "Accion Mutante"), "The Day of the Beast" is strangely sensitive towards its subject matter. A 'buddy movie' with a difference, this modern masterpiece is intelligent, lively, loaded with hysterical gallows humour and a constant flow of inventive madness that never descends into schlock. The twisty screenplay is watertight and considered; the photography is breathtaking; the three leads (Alex Angulo, Armando De Razza and Santiago Segura) play their parts phenomenally so by the end, you're not only endeared to them but convinced that their insane mission is somehow bonafide. Quite frankly, this is one of the best films I've seen in any genre and a double-bill with this and "Gremlins" would be the best Christmas present you could give to someone. ****

Accion Mutante (1993)

Dir: Alex de la Iglesia

An ultra-gory, futuristic black comedy from Spain about a terrorist organisation (Accion Mutante, or Mutant Action, in English) of freaks and cripples who wage all-out war on the rich and beautiful. They plan the high-profile kidnapping of a millionaire baker's daughter but it all screws up in the most original take on the age-old 'heist gone bad' storyline that I can remember. First-time director Iglesia (under the guiding hand of Pedro Almodóvar, no less) shoots with style and verve, punctuating his brain-melting script with some of the most eye-popping visual weirdness this side of Takashi Miike (yeah, that's right - your whole head's gonna blow!). As for the humour; imagine a meaner, darker and madder "League of Gentlemen" and you're in the right area. Throw in a sprinkling of vicious social satire, some fuck-off firearms and more pint-for-pint gore than you can shake a dismembered Peter Jackson fan at, and you're in for one Hell of a ride down the tunnel of lunacy. A genuine one-of-a-kind flick and, to really cap it off, the ending is, astonishingly, rather romantic. Deranged, beautiful brilliance and a rare flash of true genius at work. You'd be madder than its makers if you missed it. ****

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

Dir: Tobe Hooper

Superior sequel which reunites the crazy cannibal family from the original for an infinitely gorier exercise in pure delirium. Caroline Williams stars as a supercute rockabilly DJ who inadvertantly broadcasts a live chainsaw killing on air (two college kids phoning in a request before being hacked to pieces). This attracts some unwanted attention from the killers, who decide to put her out of business once and for all. L.M. Kit Carson's multi-faceted screenplay is a fiendishly clever slice of Texan grand guignol; daring, disturbing, surreal and deeply, darkly funny. The gruesome set design, manic performances and unrestrained, MPAA-baiting bloodshed (courtesy of Tom Savini) all make for a truly feverish one-of-a-kind experience and, for my money, Hooper's masterpiece. Spectacular stuff, if you've the stomach for it. ****

Rojo Sangre (2004)

Dir: Christian Molina

Paul Naschy (who also wrote this film's excellent screenplay) stars as an aging actor, legendary in the 70s but now unable to land a role (even in TV commercials) due to the changing times. Desperate and suicidal, he accepts a job as a human statue outside a mysterious stag club called Pandora... I won't give away anything else for fear of ruining all the outlandish surprises the script offers up, but the end result is probably best described as what might happen if David Lynch and Robert Rodriguez combined forces to remake "Theatre of Blood". Naschy's script is witty and bitter - an undisguised, vicious swipe at a soulless modern film industry - and his lead performance is venomous enough to bring it to life. There's a top-notch supporting cast, lots of flamboyant art direction and it's all beautifully directed with feverish energy (not to mention what looks like a big budget) by newcomer Christian Molina. "Rojo Sangre" is inventive, bloody, stylish, clever, poignant, hilarious and colourful. I'm not sure I could ask for too much more than that. Naschy's masterpiece, without question. In years to come, this'll be the one they remember him for. ****