The Ring Virus (1999)

Dir: Dong-bin Kim

It's very difficult to review this Korean adaptation of Kôji Suzuki's "Ring" novel so late in the day. Having seen the Japanese "Ring" series, the American remakes and the myriad knock-offs that polluted the shelves of the Horror section for the best part of a decade, I feel I know the story too well. A cursed video tape. You watch it and die seven days later. A single mother watches it by mistake and must find out how to break the curse before it's too late. Bring on the soggy dead girls. "The Ring Virus" doesn't offer much in the way of newness in 2012 but this is a shame because, taken on its own merits, it's actually one of the better offerings in the whole dreary cycle. It's really nicely shot (without all the washed-out blue that poisoned many of the other films in this vein), has a decent, coherently crafted script, a few eerie moments (although the special FX in the famous ghost reveal scene are maybe a little ropey) and even a couple of the more daring elements from the novel that were left out of the Japanese version. It's just a shame I didn't see this one first, 12 years ago, before I knew the story inside out. **

Solstice (2007)

Dir: David Myrick

Dullness abounds in this horror that blends two of my least favourite fads of the past decade; post-"Scream" teen soap opera horror and post-"Ring" soggy dead girl ghosts. Ugh. In this one, a group of attractive teens (and two of their notably less attractive friends) drive out to a house in the woods to party on the summer solstice (what with pretty much every other significant date on the calendar having been used up in 80s slashers and all). Then strange, scary things start happening! Oh no, wait. That's a lie. TREMENDOUSLY MUNDANE THINGS start happening. A car won't start and the lights flicker. The water is muddy. A girl falls into a small hole and hurts her ankle. A girl breaks a nail. An old man gives them all a watermelon. A local shopkeeper freaks them all out by talking about voodoo. This yawnfest concludes with a denouement that should be tragic but instead feels hilarious because it's so overplayed and absurd. Don't let the presence of Amanda Seyfried or Shawn Ashmore fool you into thinking this is worth watching. *

Lady of the Lake (1998)

Dir: Maurice Devereaux

This early Maurice Devereaux film failed to live up to the expectations I had from watching his later ones. It's an unfair comparison since he'd obviously had more time to practice and presumably more money for those but still... This tale of a drowned gypsy girl who seeks vengeance as a demon is convoluted to the point of incoherence by some really weird details (ie: her suitor is a knight but not quite - he's actually a carnival performer who pretends to be a knight and, boy, does he pretend). A shame because there's some beautiful photography (even if they overdid it severely on the underwater shots) and it's quite nicely made. It's just all painfully silly despite trying so hard for a dark, atmospheric tone. Perhaps if I'd caught this randomly on late night TV, I'd've had a different reaction and enjoyed it for its unintentional goofiness (ie: zombie knight fights, monsters with dental fillings, amazingly corny green-screen backdrops of fire and lightning, hellacious bad guy overacting, squirty gore galore, endless nudity) but I dunno. I guess I wanted something better. *1/2

The Ghost of Mae Nak (2005)

Dir: Mark Duffield

Set against the urban sprawl of modern-day Bangkok, "The Ghost of Mae Nak", although directed by a Westerner, plants itself firmly in the current Eastern cycle of now-cliché spookiness. It's a loose adaptation of the Thai folk legend, Mae Nak in which a vengeful ghost manifests itself in the house of a newlywed couple in the form of (you guessed it) a pale-faced soggy dead girl. If you've seen "Ringu" or any of its innumerable clones, you'll know the drill by now and Duffield's overlong screenplay does little to separate itself from the pack. Only the occasional flash of black comedy and some show-stopping gore set pieces (the man being split in half with a pane of glass was spectacular) enliven what's otherwise a fairly mediocre effort. *1/2

The Marsh (2006)

Dir: Jordan Barker

Gabrielle Anwar plays a writer of spooky children's books. She suffers recurring nightmares about a creepy old house by a marshland. When she discovers the location of the house she (naturally!) moves in there, only to find... wait for it... she's haunted by visions of a SOGGY DEAD GIRL! WITH LANK HAIR! ARRGH! Yes, it all goes a bit "Ring"-like from thereon and if you've seen any one of these kinda movies, you can guess exactly how the story ends. To the filmmakers' credit, it is beautifully shot, with some luscious production design and even the odd few moments of creepiness here and there. Unfortunately it's spoiled by a painfully deriative plot and too many bogus 'jolts' over nothing (aiiieee! it's a spooky glass of wine! BOOM! it's an open window!) that made me feel hugely patronised. Even with Gabrielle Anwar's nipples bursting out of her shirt in every scene, I still found myself falling asleep by the end of this. Zzzz. *1/2

Unborn But Forgotten (2003)

Dir: Chang-jae Lim

Soporific Korean entry into the endless sub-"Ring" cycle, that looked far more interesting on the box than is actually the case. This one involves a beautiful investigative reporter (the tragically late Eun-ju Lee) who stumbles across a spooky website. Turns out that every woman who clicks on it ends up with a phantom pregnancy and dead within 15 days. No prizes for guessing there's a soggy dead girl seeking vengeance and hugs in this story somewhere. The movie's nicely shot, as seems to be almost mandatory for anything coming out of Korea nowadays, and the performances are good, but it's snail-paced, low on logic and so derivative that you can spend the entire film second-guessing it without much effort, as long as you've seen one of the other five zillion "Ring" clones that have been clogging up the Asian film industry for far too long now. Flush. *

Kakashi (2001)

Dir: Norio Tsuruta

This unusual, low-key Japanese chiller tells the story of Kaoru (Maho Nonami of "2LDK" fame), a girl searching for her brother who has disappeared, leaving only a mysterious letter behind. The return address leads Kaoru to an isolated village where the mute, antisocial inhabitants are preparing for a 'Kakashi' (scarecrow) festival ... The atmosphere throughout the film is very moody and the scarecrows are creepy as anything (but then again, scarecrows frighten the pants off of me in any context); I really loved the photography, the use of the rural setting and the cast (especially Kou Shibasaki as the obligatory evil little girl). I thought the film had enormous potential. Then it all fell to pieces in the second half and stopped making sense. I could just about see what it was getting at but the screenplay is too clumsy and confused to fully come together. By the end, you'll be scratching your head and wishing they could've spent a bit more time on keeping things coherent. Characterisation is nil. A waste of some nice ideas. *1/2

The Dark (2005)

Dir: John Fawcett

A no-nonsense Northerner (Sean Bean) sets himself up for a quiet, peaceful existence in a farmhouse somewhere on the remote coast of Wales. His neurotic, high-strung, American ex-wife (Maria Bello) and their annoying, freaky-lookin' daughter (Sophie Stuckey) come to stay with him and, before you can say "Hideo Nakata is a twll tin iar!", they're being sort-of haunted by a pale-faced little girl in a raggedy old dress. No prizes if you guess that she was once a neglected child and is now a spooky dead thang that needs love. I had hoped that the unusual location and the allusions to Welsh folklore would've elevated this above the current slew of "Ring" clones, but alas, this is woefully generic stuff. Some potentially good material gets left unexplored in favour of "Ohmygod! Loud bang! An out of focus spooky kid in the back of the shot!" cliché. The screenplay (and, especially, its six zillion infuriating false endings) requires a LOT of disbelief suspension but the hyperactive photography, flat direction and autopilot performances from the normally-more-capable leads don't offer enough motivation for you to stick with it. The last fifteen minutes are rather ridiculous. I'm not quite sure who is watching all these "Dark Water" type movies and finding them moving/interesting/frightening, but I do wish they'd all go back down the well and stay there. This trend is really starting to annoy me. *