Demons 2 (1986)

Dir: Lamberto Bava

Sally (Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni) throws a party at her trendy apartment. She plays The Smiths all night, moans about how hideous her dress looks and threatens to throw her guests out at the slightest hint of a disagreement. Amazingly, she still has an awful lot of friends despite being such a massive drag. This is handy, as they make good victims for some random demons who pop out of a TV that's showing a film about events from the first film, which was in itself a film within a film. Bzzt. Whu-whu-what? If you can deal with the brain-warping lack of logic or reason, there are some gooey rubbery FX treats to be found here but not a lot else. Despite having almost identical characters/structure/plot, "Demons 2" just isn't a patch on the first film. It's a moodier affair, with far more subdued lighting, a lot less gore and goth hits from the 80s in place of the original's rowdier heavy metal. This could be more effective perhaps if the film wasn't so silly but the mix of ANY restraint whatsoever with such a ludicrous plot is ill-advised and much lowers the fun level. It's worth a look for one or two very cool scenes (one of a demon boy giving birth (!?) to a winged demon child is just jaw-dropping) but not a classic like the first. **1/2

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

Dir: Steve Beck

This typical early-2000s spookfest marketed to teens sees Monk Tony Shalhoub and his family inherit a crazy mechanical mansion from a wayward uncle who apparently "squandered the family's fortune" and died on a ghost hunt. Obviously (far TOO obviously), the mansion is not all it seems and, before long, there are ghosts running amok in double figures, just like the title promises. This isn't too bad a premise and the production design is pleasant, but the script is a total disaster. It tells everything in an awkward order in an effort to provide "twist" after shocking "twist" but instead just succeeds in sucking out the tension and logic from a convoluted story that was teetering on the edge of nonsense anyway. If they'd kept it simpler (and ditched at least two or three extraneous characters) this would've been better but, even then, you've got the annoying strobe lights, madcap editing and mawkish sentimental streak to deal with. Matthew Lillard and Tony Shalhoub both act well with what they're given but overall this is a pretty poor reminder of a particularly shiny-but-empty period in mainstream horror history. *

Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Dir: Yoshihiro Nishimura

Unbelievable Japanese cyberpunk fantasy set in a future where the cops have been privatised by the shoot-first-ask-questions-later Tokyo Police Corporation and mutants run wild. Having been disappointed by J-Horror in the past couple of years, I'd dismissed "Tokyo Gore Police" because it looked zany and ironic and like novelty junk but I couldn't've been more wrong. There is certainly a little comedy in there and the gore is way over the top (definitely more, pint-for-pint, than anything I've seen in over twenty years of watching these kind of films) but the film's angry politics and obsessive Cronenbergian body horror lend it a depth that makes it fly. As jaded as I am, I spent most of this open-mouthed thinking "I have never seen ANYTHING like this before" and for that I sing its highest praises. When amputees with samurai swords for arms and legs and oversized prosthetic penises that shoot bullets are two of the less sensational set-pieces, you know you're in for a treat. A modern masterpiece of surrealist genius that makes "Tetsuo: The Iron Man" look like "Tetsuo: The Nerf Kid". ****