Four Flies On Grey Velvet (1971)

Dir: Dario Argento

An abstract giallo from Argento's halcyon days that doesn't work as well as it should do. I appreciate that he was experimenting with the form he helped create and the artistry (and indeed audacity) of some the setpiece scenes here is breathtaking but the film's tone is too uneven. On one hand, it's a straight mystery story with a jazz drummer becoming embroiled in a web of blackmail and mass murder when he accidentally stabs a stranger who's been following him. On the other, it's a surreal black comedy, loaded with oddball red herrings, like Bud Spencer as "God" and Jean-Pierre Marielle's camp detective who spouts offbeat dialogue and flirts outrageously. It's also an utterly illogical, almost plotless film of images; an excuse for Argento to indulge his arthouse leanings. While any of these three elements could work alone, they clash badly and fight against each other. The messy result is interesting if you're an Argento scholar and it's always a pleasure to see Mimsy Farmer on the screen, but this is actually quite a dull film to watch. Yes. Even with Mimsy, it's flimsy. Sorry. Couldn't resist. *1/2

Bloodsucker Leads The Dance (1975)

Dir: Alfredo Rizzo

This naff gothic potboiler finds a troupe of buxom actresses and their downtrodden assistant invited to the castle of a mysterious Count. The Count's family has suffered a convoluted "curse". Both his father and grandfather beheaded their wives with a special knife then jumped into the sea. His own wife has mysteriously disappeared so he's looking for a new one amongst the actresses. They seem to find nothing at all wrong with this situation. Mass decapitation and copious nudity ensues. Despite a reasonable first fifteen minutes setting things up, Bloodsucker quickly descends into tedium. The first half plays like a topless soap opera and the second like the dullest Sherlock Holmes story ever. It's cheap beyond belief; there's only one (daytime) exterior shot of the castle and it's repeated even when it's supposed to be night time. Colour stock footage of the surrounding sea wasn't affordable so they just use B&W. You get the idea. I guess someone somewhere tried their best with this and it has a sort of naive, hopeless charm to it but honestly? This is poor. *

Black Magic Rites (1974)

Dir: Renato Polselli

(aka The Reincarnation of Isabel)

I'm not even sure where to begin with trying to explain this. There's a witch/vampire called Isabella who gets burnt at the stake in some nebulous past where everyone wears funny hats. 500 years later, a cult of old dudes in red morphsuits try to ressurect her by killing naked virgins in a castle. Maybe? It's hard to tell because half of the actors play multiple roles and, thanks to fit-inducing editing, no shot lasts for more than a second or two. There's constant fire, psychedelic lighting, whips, chains and abundant nudity from some pretty ladies, yet somehow the total lack of coherence and technical ineptitude makes this near-unwatchable. The denouement includes 3-way sex with a podgy vampire who can't stop blinking, two naked girls prodded by pensioners with sticks for what seems like forever, a hunchbacked Donald Pleasance lookalike thrown into a snake pit with only two snakes in it, and a peculiar vision of Hell that's all red lycra and girls chained to stepladders. This film was lost for decades and, watching it now, it's not hard to see why. It is like staring directly into the mind of a complete lunatic. EL BOMBA!

The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974)

Dir: Francesco Barilli

The delightfully named Mimsy Farmer stars as some kind of industrial scientist who starts to believe she's losing her mind after a creepy friend talks to her about witchcraft and she experiences some bizarre hallucinations. The story unfolds in the same surreal, occasionally dreamlike manner as other "women on the edge"-style gialli like "Footprints" or "All The Colors Of The Dark" and, at times, this becomes frustratingly oblique. The beautiful photography (Barilli seems to frame every shot like a painting) carries it through the most puzzling sections but almost nothing about what's going on is revealed until the very end, at which point (conveniently) the sudden, unexpected gore and nudity kicks in too. However, the ending is one Hell of a kicker and pulls it back from the brink majestically. If you manage to guess what happens, I'll be amazed. I also probably wouldn't want to run into you in a dark alley. The climax shares a sombre, nightmarish tone with some of David Lynch's work and, if you've the patience to stick with the rest of the film, you'll be richly rewarded. ***

Death Smiles At Murder (1973)

Dir: Aristide Massaccesi (aka Joe D'Amato)

Notable for being the only film directed by Joe D'Amato in which he used his real name on the director's credit, this one is, in his own words, "special". It's a gothic period piece and the stunning Ewa Aulin plays a girl whose memory disappears after her horse-drawn carriage crashes in front of a rich couple's mansion. From there, the plot spins off in several directions that take in the usual D'Amato themes of necrophilia, obsession and violent death, with a little bit of "Mad Science With Klaus Kinski" thrown in for good measure. Perhaps mismarketed as some kind of giallo, this bears far more relation to dreamy, abstract pieces like "Lisa & The Devil" or "La Vampire Nue". It doesn't make a lot of sense on first viewing but there's a feeling encouraged by the film's fervour that, beneath the madness and the leaden pacing, are the seeds of a brilliant, serious vision that perhaps D'Amato never got chance to fully realise as his career became ever less adventurous. Beautifully shot and loaded with bizarre imagery, this may not be his most watchable film but it's undoubtedly his most ambitious and the one to show to non-believers who doubt his artistry. ***

Phenomena (1984)

Dir: Dario Argento

Jennifer Connelly talks to the insects and befriends a monkey with a penchant for straight razors in this marvelously bonkers giallo. Phenomena blends a classic "killer on the loose in a girls boarding school" plotline with sprinklings of the gothic grand guignol Argento played with in "Suspiria" and "Inferno" and somehow it works. I think it's mostly Argento's tremendous confidence in what he's doing that pulls "Phenomena" through. At times even the really terrible artistic decisions (like playing Iron Maiden's "Flash of the Blade" loudly over the top of a knife murder) kinda work just because everything's so amped up and stylized. It's like he's just shrugging and saying "so what? I think it's cool" and that works. What's particularly cool is that, although it's not remotely realistic, the plot actually makes a strange kind of sense by the end. Or maybe the film's just obliterated the bothersome braincells that were raising objections. Good shit. ***1/2

The House That Screamed (1968)

Dir: Chicho Ibáñez-Serrador

Obscure old gothic horror from Spain that takes place at an ominous old boarding school somewhere in the French countryside. On top of the obligatory drawbacks of the institution (ie: nazi-style headmistress and her peeping tom son, weirdo janitor lurking in the woods, fearsome lesbian prefect squad, etc), we also have a shadowy killer prowling the hallways at night and slashing up the pupils. The movie has dated badly and the pace lags in parts but with some artful camerawork and a delightfully creaky set full of cobwebs and candlesticks (not to mention the ever-lovely Cristina Galbo and Mary Maude as its female leads), it's very easy on the eye and pleasant enough to get through. The grisly twist ending is also quite the shocker - unexpected, unforgettable and actually worth waiting for throughout endless of shots of candle-toting girls in their nighties stumbling around darkened corridors. **1/2