Freddy vs Jason (2003)

Dir: Ronny Yu

I'd almost recommend that you get yourself a copy of this film just so that, if you're feeling a bit jaded about horror and the direction it's taken, you can pull this wretched crap off the shelf and remember... THINGS HAVE BEEN WORSE. This coked-up abortion is an almost perfect checklist of everything wrong with the genre. An undeniable nadir. There's the total incoherence of a plot that appears to have been written by a six-year-old ("hey, so like, Freddy has lost his powers 'cos people have forgotten who he is (!) so he, like, goes into, uh, Hell, and, like, totally asks Jason to kill some kids for him"). There's the muddled tone that flies from dark and spiteful to corny slapstick so fast that it goes beyond stupid and hits downright tasteless. There's the horrible ultra-stylised rock video aesthetic that makes it so unrealistic and ugly that it's hard to even pay attention for more than 30 seconds at a time. There's the jaw-droppingly bad, 15+ minute "fight" sequence at the end (think CGI wrestling match set to bad nu-metal). It all combines to give you feeling a little like being lobotomised by mad children. Yeah, this is officially the worst film I've ever seen. I said it and I'm not taking it back.