A Dragonfly For Each Corpse (1974)

Dir: Leon Klimovsky

A Spanish take on the then-popular giallo craze, "A Dragonfly For Each Corpse" sees a subdued Paul Naschy (who also wrote the script) playing a medium-boiled cop (he knows kung-fu and thinks all hookers are "garbage" but wears an apron while he cooks and loves presents) on the trail of a serial killer in Milan. There are some amusingly weird red herrings here, including a Nazi, a gay dressmaker, some hookers and a transvestite, as well as a few crazy deaths (death by golf club and death on a ghost train are both fun) but the mystery is quite weak by the time it reaches its lacklustre conclusion. A shame because there are some enjoyable elements. At times, the film almost feels like an intentional send-up of the genre (especially when Naschy is seen boiling pasta, eating salami out of the fridge and making coffee in a Bialetti kettle) but there's enough gore, nudity and fashionable outfits to make this a passable, though by no means essential, giallo. **

The Cat With The Jade Eyes (1977)

Dir: Antonio Bido

(aka Watch Me When I Kill!, The Cat's Victims)

Decent, well-crafted giallo in which a cabaret actress named Mara (Paola Tedesco) goes to buy some aspirin and finds the pharmacist dead on the floor. Worse yet, our ubiquitous black-clad, gloved killer is fleeing the scene! The killer now thinks Mara knows his/her identity and begins to stalk our hapless young lady, dragging her and her sound engineer boyfriend (Corrado Pani) into a web of serial killings and deep-running conspiracy. The film is, on one hand, typical giallo fare and there's nothing particularly bizarre or flamboyant about it to instantly grab one's attention. However, this has a tightly written plot and a good twist that delights rather than puzzles. There's also a sleek, pulsing score by Trans Europa Express and some great one-liners from Pani. The titular cat is nowhere near as sinister as you may expect (although it is significantly cuddlier) but, otherwise, this is a decent way to pass a rainy afternoon. **1/2

The Devil's Rock (2011)

Dir: Paul Campion

The screenwriters of The Devil's Rock obviously did some interesting research on both witch trials in the Channel Islands and the Nazi occupation there many years later. There's a good idea somewhere in combining these two elements and having occult-obsessed Nazis on Guernsey messing with ancient grimoire and summoning a demon. Unfortunately, no one bothered to actually learn screenwriting technique. The script is an unstructured, leaden-paced mess devoid of characterisation and crammed with clunky dialogue that's heavy on exposition, low on sounding remotely natural and never tells us anything about the two leads beyond clichéd shortcuts and signposts (ie: "here's your cue to feel sorry for this guy because he has a dead wife"). It's never a good thing when there's more meat on the bones of the skinned corpses that litter the set than there is on the actual living characters. It's a pity because the acting and the (prosthetic) special effects are both way above average for this kind of low-budget product but the fact I'm even thinking of it as "product" kind of says it all. *

Crawlspace (1986)

Dir: David Schmoeller

Empire Pictures funded nonsense with Klaus Kinski as a mad Nazi landlord who spends his time crawling through the air vents of his building, spying on female residents, beheading rats, applying lady make-up, watching Hitler rallies on a projector, playing Russian roulette and killing people indiscriminately. In fairness, Kinski is a blast in this and his creepiness carries the otherwise abysmal movie single-handedly. The screenplay is total balls, although I did learn a lot about women from it. Did you know that, when alone, women will cut peepholes out of their bras in front of the mirrors and perform studio quality renditions of bad 80s ballads on the piano? Or that, when in groups, women will hold slumber parties in which they all drink tequila milkshakes, giggle about boys and jump up onto tables shrieking when they see a rat on the floor? Educational value aside though, the film bites. A lot of it feels improvised and even at 80 minutes, it's one Hell of a slog. Although it's almost redeemed by a lunatic scene in which the sexagenerian Kinski, dressed in an old man's jumper and full face make-up, finds a metal sheet on wheels and propels himself through the air vents as though bodyboarding, for what seems like about 10 minutes. A wonderfully inventive and unintentionally hilarious moment. EL BOMBA!

Zone Troopers (1985)

Dir: Danny Bilson

Ahh, good ol' Empire Pictures in their 1980s hey-day. No budget too low, no concept too high, no monster too ludicrous. This cute and affectionate homage to the old-school B-graders concerns four American GIs who get caught behind enemy lines somewhere in Italy circa 1944. Not only do they have to contend with squadloads of nasty Nazis but there's also been a space-rocket ship crash nearby. Seems Hitler's quite eager to experiment on the alien survivors so it's up to our American heroes to save the day and rescue the cuddly, big-eyed pod-creature from his clutches. Self-aware hilarity ensues. This one aims more for laughs than scares and is brightly photographed, well-acted and, for the most part, good fun. Maybe best reserved for Saturday morning hangover viewing but worth a watch for the authentic dialogue, high spirits and a magnificent scene in which a character called Mittens slugs Hitler. ***